


Gone

by momentoftruth7



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: AUTHOR IS A SLUT FOR COMMENTS, Angst, Anxiety, Apartment, Crying, Fluff I guess, Hugging, M/M, Miscommunication, No Manga Spoilers, Sorry Not Sorry, author sucks at tagging, god idk this is a mess, one-shot kind of, paranoid!Ash, set around e11, that's it i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 20:21:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16817782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momentoftruth7/pseuds/momentoftruth7
Summary: Ash and Eiji are living in their New York apartment.Although they've managed to escape most of the violence for a while, their fears never fade.AKA a small misunderstanding leads to some good angst





	Gone

They had been living together for about a month now. A comfortable routine had arisen within the first week, with equal rotations to keep watch of the busy streets below. Ash had insisted that he had everything under control, but after Eiji saw him practically sleeping in his omelet, that was the end of that. Despite Ash's stubbornness and complaining, Eiji got him to sleep for the rest of the day and scheduled them for separate shifts throughout the week.    
  
Their days usually started by Eiji shaking Ash awake and making breakfast for the both of them. Eiji would update his friend about any suspicious activity that may have occurred during his night watch, after which they'd talk about everything and nothing, and most things in between. This typically included one of them making a quip which spurred a relentless teasing battle. 

Eiji recalled a time when Ash simply refused to stay awake in the morning, resulting in a good half hour of name calling. Phrases such as "lazy Japanese", "idiot American", and more were thrown around in good humor. They both relished the feeling of a good laugh and the companionship of a friend. 

Once breakfast was over, Eiji would go off to their bedroom and sleep for a few hours, or however long his anxiety would allow.    
  
It still shocked him sometimes how much his life had changed over the course of a few weeks, but he couldn't say he wasn't happy. After his pole vaulting accident, he thought he'd lost himself. Meeting Ash proved him wrong in every way possible. Not only did Eiji find companionship with the other teen, but he also found something he was still trying to find the right name for. Something that made him feel warm and safe whenever the other boy was around. 

At the end of Eiji’s night shift one day, he looked over at Ash’s sleeping form, watching his chest rise and fall in the gentle light of the sunrise that was washing over the city. 

He felt his chest clench at the view. Bringing a hand to rest over his heart and smiling softly, he wondered how he got so lucky. Ash was always so tense when he was awake, always ready to run or fight at the slightest disturbance. It made Eiji sad, knowing what Ash had to go through that made him this way. But now, as he slept, his innocence was evident. No one would have guessed that the greatest gang leader in New York slept like an angel. 

After taking one last glance out the window, Eiji decided that it was safe enough to make a quick run to the grocery store to get more of the pancake mix he knew Ash loved. He scribbled out a note informing Ash where he was, grabbed his coat and his keycard, and was out the door soon after. 

-

Ash opened his eyes and looked at the clock, letting out a sleepy sigh as he shifted onto his side. As soon as he was able to focus his vision and read the time, an unsettling feeling washed over him. It was eight thirty, and Eiji should have woken him up by now. 

He threw the covers off of him and looked around the room. There was no sign of the older boy. Taking a deep breath, Ash told himself that there was a simple explanation, and that Eiji must be in the kitchen still making breakfast. There was nothing to worry about.

Once in the kitchen, Ash couldn’t see any signs of the other boy. Glancing in the direction of the door, he saw that Eiji’s shoes and coat were gone as well. Panic started to build within him as he looked around frantically. He was losing hope fast as each room he checked was uncomfortably empty.

Tears began to pool in his viridian eyes and he couldn’t stop his thoughts from spiraling.

_ He left. He’s gone.  _

_ I scared him off. He’s not coming back. _

Ash’s tears were flowing steadily now. He sat himself shakily on the couch and hung his head as he became overwhelmingly aware of the situation. His breath was coming out in stuttered gasps. Curling in on himself, he did his best to shut out his thoughts, but only managed to make everything worse. He knew from experience that he would soon be heading into a full fledged panic attack.

The creak of the front door sounded from down the hall, causing Ash to impulsively reach for the gun under the couch cushion. He quickly flipped off the safety and held it close to his side, waiting for the intruder to show themself. Using his sleeve, he furiously rubbed at his eyes to stop the tears from clouding his vision, but the tears wouldn’t stop flowing. 

He heard a voice calling from the doorway over the pounding of his heartbeat in his head. 

“Ash?”

Acting on instinct at the sudden noise, Ash raised his gun and shot in the direction of the sound. 

Someone yelped and the sound of the gun echoed through the room. The situation brought him back to his senses. He wiped his eyes with the back of his arm and the realization of what he’d done washed over him. 

Eiji was standing in the doorway, thankfully unharmed but visibly shaken up. The bullet had hit the wall a few inches to his left, leaving a small but defined hole in it. 

_ God, I fucked up. _

_ Even if he didn't leave me then, he's definitely going to now. _

_ I don't deserve him. _

“Hey, Ash, are you okay?” Eiji asked in a small but worried voice.

Shocked at his tone, Ash replied as best as he could, “wh- why are you asking me that? I just- I just  _ shot _ at you. You shouldn't be here. I'm far too dangerous.”

Eiji took a few steps forward in Ash's direction, his eyes cast worriedly at the younger boy.

“Ash, you've been crying. Something's bothering you enough for you to act like this, and I know you're not this kind of person. Please, just tell me what's wrong,” the Japanese said, kneeling and wrapping an arm around the other boy's shoulders.

He couldn't hold it in anymore. Eiji made him feel safe, unlike anyone he'd met in his life. Ash turned to face the older boy and broke down, nuzzling his face into the boy's chest.

Eiji rubbed soothing circles on Ash's back, “Shh, it's okay, I've got you. I'm here, I've got you,” he repeated softy.

Sobs wracked the blonde’s body as he held his friend tighter, finally letting his guard down completely. Despite Ash’s heavy crying and the tears soaking the dark haired boy’s shirt, Eiji kept a firm hold on the boy. He felt as if letting go would cause the younger boy to shatter entirely, which made his heart ache in his chest. He still didn’t know what the cause of Ash’s pain was, but he was determined to do anything he could to help.

They held each other for what felt like forever before Ash calmed himself down enough to raise his head and face Eiji. 

Taking a ragged breath, Ash spoke,“I-I’m sorry, I understand if you want to leave. I won’t hold you back if you w-”

“No,” Eiji replied, eyes filled with resolve, “I’m not going anywhere, Ash. Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

A few more unsteady inhales later, Ash confessed, “When I woke up and you… you weren't here, I thought you left. I was sure I'd lost you completely. I didn't know what to do. I-I don't know what I'd do if you were gone.”

The last few words were spoken more quickly than the rest, as if the mere thought of it burned Ash's soul. Eiji could feel the desperation in his friend's tone.

“I wouldn't ever leave, even if you asked me to. I'm here for you, always. I'll never leave your side, Ash,” Eiji said.

“Thank you, Eiji,” the other boy responded, finally calming down enough to breathe normally.

Untangling his arms from around Ash, Eiji stood and walked to the kitchen to pour his friend a glass of water. 

As he took out Ash’s favorite cup, he noticed that the note he’d written before he left the house was still on the counter where he had left it. He took the water as well as the note back to the living room and gave them to the blond.

The water felt cool and soothing against Ash’s tense throat. He looked down at the pale yellow post it and read it to himself.

_ Ash, _

_ I’m off to the store.  _

_ Don’t worry, I made sure we were safe first. _

_ I’ll see you when I get back. _

__ \- Big Bro _ _

He smiled at the signature at the bottom, and glanced up at at Eiji, who was smiling back. A silent conversation was exchanged between them. Ash conveyed amusement, reassurance, and a hint of longing. Meanwhile, Eiji responded with relief, happiness, and a reflection of that same longing. 

They erupted into laughter, each understanding the other completely, and embraced each other. Both knew that they would be able to handle anything this world threw at them. As long as they were together, they could conquer anything.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to go yell at me, I barely use tumblr (WellHelloThereBoys) to post BUT I'm on there pretty often to I can talk to you guys or whatever. 
> 
> I hope you liked it uhh.... yeah I'm gonna try to write more often now but we all know how that's probably gonna turn out. I have something planned for the YOI fandom but we'll see it I pull through lmao. 
> 
> Love you all! 
> 
> All comments, kudos, and bookmarks are appreciated!


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